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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28543530">A Forgotten Face</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonovakei31/pseuds/Sonovakei31'>Sonovakei31</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sokka's loss [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Death, Depression, Emotionally Repressed, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Repressed Memories, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:08:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28543530</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonovakei31/pseuds/Sonovakei31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Katara comes back from her “field trip”, there’s still one thing she needs to take care of. </p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>Katara apologizes to Sokka for saying he didn’t love their mother enough and they end up unpacking a lot of repressed feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katara &amp; Sokka (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sokka's loss [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Forgotten Face</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun set bathed the sky in tender colors, and the pleasant wind of the summer brushed against Katara’s skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Katara didn’t acknowledged it. She was staring at her reflection that wavered with the push and pull of the waves. The tip of her toes barely caressing the surface, staying still, unbothered by her environment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After she and Zuko came back from their “field trip”, Zuko suggested to drop her first before picking up the rest of the group. Katara agreed, not feeling ready to face everyone yet, needing some time alone to sort out her thoughts on the recent events.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When the sky bison slowly became nothing more than a dot until it disappeared between the clouds, she cried.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She loudly cried, letting out all her sadness, resentment and grief boiling up inside from the last years. For once, she felt more vulnerable than ever but couldn’t care less. Once she cracked, she couldn’t stop. She tightly hugged herself, fearing she might break more than she already was if she didn’t held onto something to not shatter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She doesn’t know how much time passed, sitting on the edge of the shore, crying like a little child with no consolation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gripped her mother’s pendant, her hand shaking into a fist. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara never thought she would ever have the misfortune to face her mother’s murderer. For so long, she believed if the moment came, she would make him pay with his life. Because of him, she was left motherless, a father gone for the war, a crushed village, a shattered culture, and a necklace as only reminder of the little of happiness she had barely taste, desperately clinging onto them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because those memories were the only thing fueling her will to fight. Without them, she wouldn’t have come so far in her life.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But after confronting him, seeing him begging on his knees, face to the ground, crying like the pathetic man he was, to have his life spared; Katara couldn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At first, she felt weak for not doing the final strike. She felt pathetic for hesitating on making the very same man who coldly took away her mother’s life and many others, pay for his crimes. And maybe it was the blinding rage influencing her mind, but Katara was sure of one thing and it was that the man deserved punishment. She wanted justice to be brought for her mother, for her people.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But, deep down, it was all an attempt to bring peace to her resentful soul.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The thing is, she wanted to. She really wanted to make the man pay with his blood. She wanted him to feel the same fear her people felt, the same end all his victims have been doomed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not once Katara felt pity; he didn’t deserve it. Her anger was justified. But in the end, she couldn’t do it. Not because she didn’t want to, or because she felt she’d regret it later.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But because of her mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The very reason of her rage stopped her from doing the final blow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because her mother wouldn’t had want her daughter to stain her hands with blood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara knew that her mother wouldn’t want her memory to be cause of a death.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And as much as she hated it, she knew her mother would want her to move on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She held onto the grief for so long she was scared of what would become of her if she let go. She was scared she’d forget her mother, the source of her strength, her motivation to keep fighting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was as she was a little kid again, afraid to let go of the securing hand of her mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But like every kid, there comes a day when they have to let go of the hand of their parent. And now, it was Katara’s turn.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She tightly gripped her mother’s necklace like she was afraid it would disappear if she let go, carrying with it the memory of better times. Of warm smiles, of joyful laughter’s, of safe hugs, of gentle hands drying away tears after a nightmare, and many other memories she feared to forget if she moved on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But she knew it wouldn’t happen. She wouldn’t allow it. Those memories would forever stay with her. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, just for her, Katara would let go of that hand that had been holding her back all these years and walk on her own. Because that’s what her mother wanted. That’s why she sacrificed her life for Katara. And Katara wouldn’t let her sacrifice go in vain.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She took a deep breath, held it, and then let go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, she felt all those years of grieving wearing her down. But she also felt lighter. Hopeful, even.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara noticed the sky painted in the colors of noon, the peaceful sound of the waves, and the refreshing blow of the wind filling her lungs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Yesterday, she saw the world obscure with grief. But today, there was a certain glint of hope for better days. Hope for healing. Something she had devoid herself for far too long, but now was ready to allow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But healing took time and also help. And before she could move on to her journey of healing, there still was one thing she needed to take care of. She would heal, but she wouldn’t do it alone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>After an hour or so, a soft yet imposing growl in the distance warned her for the arrival of the group.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She talked to Aang, stating where her decision settled. She forgave Zuko, and looked forward to their new friendship.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But the day was not over yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Where is Sokka?” she asked.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After she got her answer, she ran straight to the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zuko had brought them to his old family vacation house, reassuring them that no one had come in there for years and it was safe to stay for a while. Katara was wary of the idea. She doesn’t know how she’ll manage to sleep in the same house the Firelord once occupied. But as she ran up the stairs, her determination to find her brother pushed down her uneasiness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara arrived in front of the door of a bedroom. She took a deep breath and knocked the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come in” Sokka muted voice said from inside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara hesitated, but forced herself to take the handle and turn it. She opened the door and peeked inside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka was sitting over the dusty bed, his back facing the door. He was sharpening his sword in silence, maybe with a little more force than necessary.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s me” she said, her voice sounding smaller than she meant to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka halted his actions. He shot up from the bed, dropping his sword with the action, and before Katara knew it, she found herself embraced into a crushing hug.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as Katara felt the protective arms of her brother around her, she broke down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She doesn’t notice when Sokka gently moves her to sit on the bed, still hugging her while rubbing circles on her back. He lets her cry on his chest, tears leaving traces on his shirt, but he doesn’t comment on it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After a while, when Katara’s crying had reduce to hiccups and sniffs, he decided to speak, never letting go his hold on his sister. “What happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I- I didn’t do it” Katara hiccups. “I didn’t kill him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka froze, and then, lets out a breath of relief. He hugged his sister even tighter. “I’m so proud of you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wanted to” she whispered into his shoulder. “I wanted to make him pay. I was so close. So close to do it. But...”she looks at her brother, his eyes looking brighter than when she entered the room. “That’s not what she‘d want for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka shared a small smile at her and hugs her again. “You did the right thing. I’m so, so proud of you, Katara.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka runs his hands into Katara’s hair for a while, soothing her until she calmed like he used to do during the nights she cried for their mother. He would scoot under her covers, pull her into a hug and brush her hair until she fell asleep, telling her that everything would be alright.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But at exhaustion was tempting to wear her down, she sat up. She wouldn’t fall asleep now. There was still something to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk with you.” Katara takes her brothers hands tightly, locking her eyes at him with as much sincerity as possible. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Katara, you don’t have-“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let me speak” she cuts him. “What I said was wrong. It was cruel and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. I know you were worried for me but I shouldn’t have snapped at you the way I did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka eyes were wide for a moment, caught off guard. “Thanks, but…” His look drops to the floor, his expression struggling between a mix of emotions, and Katara felt a pang of guilt. But she waits. If her brothers wants to express anything about what happened, she would let him. It’s the least he deserved after what she did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>However, she doesn’t expect what comes next.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Maybe you’re right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara stares at him. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka forces his hands out of her grasp, his gaze landing to his feet. “Maybe I didn’t loved her enough.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Those words hit her like a slap. She stares at him baffled, trying to process the words that came out of her brother’s mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka’s avoid facing her. He looks so small and vulnerable; something that didn’t fit with the image of the Sokka she knew.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The realization hit he like a wave. For someone who prides herself to be very perceptive of other’s emotions, it seems Katara’s perception of her brother had been wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When their mother died, Katara had cry for weeks. She had nightmares, she searched the warm embrace of her family, and she refused to be left alone. The whole tribe had brought their support to bring consolation and find ways to distract her even thought they were in pain as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her father had a hard time supporting them, unable to be of any help as he was consumed by grief as well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gran Gran had been their pillar during those times. Although the pain was hurting her like a knife at the sight of her family in shambles, she stood up, and made everything her age allowed her to put them all back together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Sokka…Sokka’s reaction had been different. He had been quiet. His gaze was often unfocused, staring at a spot and lost himself in his thoughts. Katara remembers crying in his arms many times, and every time, Sokka had stood quiet. He often helped Gran Gran with the chores, his opinion of the assigned gender roles completely forgotten. Gran Gran had try to bring him consolation, but every time, he turned it down, saying she didn’t need to worry about him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the time, Katara was too little to care about her brother’s behavior. But now, when thinking back, she remembers concerning glances of Gran Gran towards her grandson. She remembers how every time Katara brought up their mother, he often turned away, ignoring her complains, returning back to his task with a blank expression. She remembers one night, the family sitting around a fire, their father had try to talk to them. But Sokka’s gaze had been glued to the spot their mother used to sit, and without a word, he stood up and left to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With time, they adjusted to the missing presence. Gran Gran had taken over the chores their mother used to do, and Katara helped her as much as she could. Her father was slowly regained stability for the sake of the tribe. But Sokka…he had changed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka used to be a happy child. A curious boy with a sense of adventure. But then…he became quiet. He was always doing work, they got into arguments more often, and soon enough, he was a complete different person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, sitting next to her, refusing to look at her as if avoiding to face his pain, he was back to be the same reserved boy.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sokka, she was your mother too” Katara softly reminded him. “Of course you loved her. You said it yourself. ”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Katara knew this. She knew Sokka had loved their mother. He was known in the tribe to always follow their father everywhere like a bear-pup. But when they were alone with their mother, he was a mama’s boy. He and Katara often fought for her attention. He used to complain he was too big for kisses and hugs but immediately got jealous when didn’t receive any. And when he was upset, he’d run to their mother’s arms for consolation. It was clear as the South Pole waters how much he loved his mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara knows she will forever regret saying those words to him. But hearing them from Sokka himself hurt more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t get it” he said bitterly. “It’s complicated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And then she remembers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Honestly, I’m not sure I can remember what my mother looked like.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It had hurt her to hear those words. In that moment, she felt alone. Because then she understood she wouldn’t be able to rely on her brother when it came to the pain of losing their mother. But she was not going to reveal she had heard him. This was something he needed to do on his own. “Can you tell me about it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Sokka stays silent, his grip tightening around his wrapped arms.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sokka, please. I’m your sister. You can talk to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t remember her!” he snaps and Katara froze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka’s eyes widen, surprised by his own sudden burst, and then, a heavy weight of guilt lands on his shoulders. “I don’t…” he looks away, unable to face his sister. “I don’t remember her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katar was speechless. Because one thing was not remembering their mother’s face. Katara hadn’t thought much about it. She understood sometimes people’s appearances confused as the years passed. But forgetting her altogether…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can barely remember the sound of her voice” Sokka continues, and every words physically pained him to be voiced. “All my memories, I can’t-it’s-it’s all mixed up. I don’t-I don’t understand how’s that even possible. I’m a year older than you, I should be able to remember her more! But it’s as if...it was only Gran Gran, you and dad. I know she was there. But I just...<em>I can’t</em> see her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Katara’s felt her throat closing into a knot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Because if Sokka didn’t remember their mother, it means he doesn’t remember how much he loved her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He doesn’t remember how much <em>she</em> loved him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What kind of son does that make me? I should remember her, but I can’t. She’s just... <em>gone</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you” she choked, and cleared her throat to manage a coherent sentence. “Do you have an idea of when- how did this happen?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sokka frowns to himself. “Every time something reminded me of her, I tried to focus on something else. And just like that, I stopped thinking about her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I made myself forget her.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you say anything?” Katara exclaimed. “We could have help you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head. “I didn’t want to burden anyone. Dad was crushed, and he had to rebuild the tribe. Gran Gran was sad, and she was struggling to console all of us. And you cried day and night, and nobody knew what to do to help you feel better. And the whole tribe was in shambles and everyone was just in pain and I felt like…like my pain wasn’t as important as everyone else’s.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At that, Katara couldn’t contain it anymore. She launched onto her brother, locking him into a secure embrace, as tears insatiably streamed down her face. Sokka immediately responded and returned the hug, burying his face into her shoulder. “Sokka, your pain is as valid as everyone else’s. You had the right to grieve. You shouldn’t- you shouldn’t have kept everything to yourself. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice your pain. It wasn’t fair for you and I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They remained like that for a while. They weren’t used to express themselves to each other like that anymore. Although they had always stick together, somehow, without noticing, they had drifted apart over the years.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That’s what loss made to people. It destroyed one’s life, it took away a part of one’s self, and it also broke bonds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She missed out the signs and allowed pain to destroy the bond between them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She was so used to the image of Sokka being confident, independent, and too egocentric to ask for help, that she ignored how much he actually was in pain.<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>“She would be proud of you” she says in a quiet voice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She extracted herself from her brother’s embrace and looked directly into his glassy eyes. “She would be so proud of you, Sokka. And it’s not your fault. You reacted in the only way you knew and I don’t blame you for it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A small smile appeared on his face as he whipped away the tears. “Thanks, Katara.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I want you to promise me. <em>Please,</em> <em>talk to me</em>, or talk to anyone you want, but don’t keep it all to yourself. I’ll always be there to listen. Everyone would do anything to make you feel better. So if you ever feel like this, please <em>talk</em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He huffed as a weak laugh. “I’ll try.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She gave him a pointed glare.</p>
<p>“Okay!” he raised his hands in surrendered. “I will talk.”</p>
<p>“Good. Or else I’ll have to freeze you in place if that’s what it takes.”</p>
<p>“Alright, alright. I get it. I promise I’ll talk next time I feel bad. Happy now?”</p>
<p>She gave him one last glare before hugging him.</p>
<p>Afterwards, suddenly becoming aware she hadn’t eaten since she left, she stood up and extended a hand to him. “Want to help me with lunch? And if you dare to say it’s woman’s work I’ll go get Suki-“</p>
<p>Sokka laughed, and Katara couldn’t keep her seriousness when seeing her brother smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After they won the war, the subject was brought up again. They sat down with their father and Sokka told him everything, as Katara held his hand. Many tears were shed, as well as many hugs and apologizes were given. But it had to be done.</p>
<p>They understood their grief was different. But this time they wouldn’t be alone.</p>
<p>Healing wasn’t going to be easy. It never was. But as long as they had each other’s, Katara knew it would be alright.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My first atla work!</p>
<p>I think I can speak for everyone when I say Sokka deserved an apology from Katara. They also should have talked more about the impact their mother's death had in both as brother and sister and not only Katara.<br/>I find it interesting that Sokka forgets his mother's face while he was older than Katara, which should have given him more opportunities to remember her. I know him replacing his mother's face with Katara's was a way to show the role Katara had in their family, but there was also the fact that Sokka suffers form memory loss due to the trauma of their mother's death. So I guess I just wanted to explore that part of Sokka's character. </p>
<p>First part of a series of two parts! Next part will be Zukka centered, split in tow chapters, but the plot will remain focus on Sokka's trauma.</p>
<p>Thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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